I've spent the last couple of nights with a fever, shivering uncontrollably with the chills, and with a headache that just won't quit. NO sleep. I think at one point on Tuesday I was just wishing my head would explode and it would be done with already.
Thankfully, it didn't, and I am here to tell this tale. I am feeling MUCH better today.Despite my ill feelings, I still had two clinicals to attend this week, and a lesson plan on foot care to prepare. Also, for my ICU clinical, I have to prepare a nursing care plan, interpret my patient's ECG, and fill out a lab sheet explaining any abnormal lab values, their meanings, and any nursing interventions I will be doing because of the abnormal values... blah blah blah boring nurse talk.
I didn't want to miss clinical. If I miss clinical I have to write a 6 page paper on a subject of my instructor's choice. I hate writing papers. So because I was sick, my care plan wasn't really that great this week and for some reason - which escapes me at this time, and made me look like a complete idiot when I was talking to my instructor - I forgot to fill out my lab sheet. This, and the fact that I forgot several very important nursing diagnosis related to my patient, pretty much guarentees an UNSATISFACTORY care plan.
UNsatisfactory. The word causes a chill to run down my spine. I.... hate.... to.... fail. I guess you could say I am a perfectionist.
So, of all the things to do in a tough situation... I cried.
Today, in front of my instructor, my peers, other nurses on the ICU unit, doctors, patient family members, the janitor sweeping the floor... I cried. I bawled my freakin' eyes out! We are talking uncontrollable crying. The kind where you do that weird double breath thing. The kind where your eyes swell up, your face turns beet red, and your nose becomes twice it's normal size.
Anyway, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. Spurting out all of my problems to my instructor in a barely audible voice. I felt sorry for myself for most of the week... until today.
Today, I found out that a fellow nursing student lost her 4 month old baby to SIDS.
Today, I saw someone die in the ICU.
Today, I found out a friend of mine got in a car accident. She has sores up and down her neck and bruises everywhere. Her car is totalled, but thankfully she is okay.
Today, I had a patient who had 2 chest tubes, sepsis (systemic bacterial infection), congestive heart failure, respiratory failure, and tubes in every hole of the body.
Today, I saw a dog get hit by a car.
Today, I remembered my nephew has a broken leg and one of my best friends has shingles.
Today, I remembered I have an amazing, loving husband, an awesome family, cool friends, a place to live, food to eat, freedom... the list is endless.
Today, I remember how Jesus suffered for my sins on the cross.
There were big and small reminders everywhere I looked today. Reminders that I really have nothing to complain about. Today I, Edith, a.k.a. "BIG BOOB," realize that my life is pretty amazing! I am unbelievably blessed!!
Not that being sick isn't serious. Not that my stress level isn't important. But we all have bad days, and my trials fail to compare to the trials and suffering of many others.
Yes... nursing school is hard. Yes, to be a good nurse I need to learn how to control my emotions (this is going to be the hardest thing ever for me to conquer - I cry at commercials, when OTHER people show concern for me and are nice to me, when a cloud is extra puffy and aesthetically pleasing....) There is a lot that I need to learn and know because I am going to taking care of people. People are trusting me with their lives! These experiences will only make me stronger. They will make me a better nurse.
Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. (James 4:10)
1 comment:
You poor thing! You sound as if you have been so exhausted. On top of being sick I think you had every right to cry, plus, your support system has been away on business! I hope this weekend gives you time to relax. Sometimes crying is the only outlet. We all have trials and they are all different, but that still doesn't mean you can't cry! Love you
Post a Comment