I Want Ham.

I know that this is the life I chose to live and that with this decision to move to Saudi Arabia would come lessons and trials. I do not write this to proclaim a disappointment in my life's path or in that decision. I am blessed and I am extremely aware of that fact, and thankful for it. But I am so very aware of the distance from my comfort zone and the freedoms I used to enjoy on a daily, moment to moment basis. I am painfully aware of the time I am not spending with my loved ones. And part of me is angry and sad that there are so many people out there not spending time with their family or friends, taking for granted the freedoms they have. Tonight for some reason the distance feels even more apparent. The distance from the little things I used to take for granted like having a ham sandwich if I wanted to, for example. I don't even like ham usually, but because I can't have it here (Pork is against the law and not sold here) I want it even more. Such an unnecessary thing - a ham sandwich.
It is apparent to me more now than ever what an important role I play as a mother and wife. What an important job I have been given to teach my children about what is right and what is wrong, and to support my Paul. And I am thankful for being given this opportunity - God willing it will always be a good and happy and blessed one - to see for myself what the world is really like. I am grateful for the opportunity to learn humility and appreciation of the things I have and the people I meet.
Tonight, more than ever, I miss my family. I miss being able to touch them and see them and smell them. I miss the clean, warm smell of my mother and her hair when we hug. I miss the warmth of her arms and the soothing hum of her voice that always knows what to say. Her powerful energy that can heal the deepest sorrow. I miss my sister Amber's smile, her contagious laugh and her gentle example of patience and kindness. I miss my brother Greg's laugh, his strong arms and kind, accepting face. I miss my brother Nathan's hugs, his simple honesty and committment to everyone he knows. And I miss my sister Heidi's constant strive to improve and work hard and her loving, accepting and encouraging words.
Family has always been a very important thing for me and I never imagined I would live so far from them. Growing up I imagined a life of family parties and constant visits. Nights of laughter and memories - like we had growing up. Of cousins playing and an occassional girls night out with my sisters. I don't know how I got where I am today and what the purpose of all of this is. Fifteen years ago, when my friends and I used to sit around and wonder where we would be 15 years later, I would have never imagined I would be where I am.
I have always assumed God had a plan for me and my life so I continue to hope this is true and that there is a good reason I am where I am today - so far from my beloved family... and ham.