The Beginning of Something.

Everyday I check my blog to see if something new has been posted.  Nothing. What the Frederick? So I've decided to start small.  Little posts of tid bits. One EACH day.  Even if it's just a picture of something... I must do better. 

I do have something to talk about today though, so...

Today Madeline and I were invited by a new friend of ours to an Easter egg hunt activity.  I've known Jennifer about a year now. I met her when we first moved to Saudi Arabia.  She invited me to a playgroup. She was actually the first person to ever invite me to a playgroup.  I wonder if she knows that.  Now, a year later, I am this playgroup freak! She also made me bread once and it was Ca-razy good.  Anyway, I say "new friend" because, although we have known her about a year, we have really only spent a small amount of time with her and her family.  She has a daughter who is a little older than Madeline, who Mads just loves, and two sons, and a very nice husband. She is one of those people who you immediately trust. A genuine, real person, who means well, and tries to make others feel welcome and happy.  A good person. She is also a Mormon.

I don't talk much about religion on here, and I'm not going to start to get too deeply into it at this moment. That will be another time... maybe. But it does have a little bit to do with what I am writing so that is why I mentioned it. 

So I got the sweets all dolled up in her little Easter skirt and sun hat and we headed over to the activity.  When I first drove up and saw all the people sitting on a blanket near the field I glanced and saw no one I recognized.  It wasn't until I saw a familiar face that I got out of my car and headed over.  As we were walking over I did that thing I do when I am nervous sometimes - I acted like I was talking to someone when I was actually really just moving my mouth to look like I was talking to someone. Only this time I really felt like an idiot when I realized what I was doing because the only person near me was Madeline - who was busy trying to collect as many sticks off the ground as she possibly could.  I did that mouth thing in school as a child... NO idea why I thought it made me look less alone.  In retrospect, I probably looked like a psychotic loner loser as opposed to just a regular loner loser.

After some initial "who are you?" stares and some introductions to a couple of friendly folk, the festivities began. They had cute little egg-shaped, bubble necklaces for the kids and there were plastic eggs spread all over the field for them to find.  Madeline had so much fun running all over the place finding eggs to put in her basket.  And when she discovered there was CANDY in them... those eggs were cracked and eaten in less than 5 minutes.  She recognized and enjoyed playing with a couple of her little friends from playgroup and play school and seemed very at ease and comfortable. 

I love my little girl.  I love her so much, and I love watching her interact with other people socially.  She really is a sweet, friendly little twerp.  And her energy level has no limit. 
We had a good time.  It was nice.  I was glad we went, and glad Jen invited us.

It was my first actual activity with the LDS here and it, strangely, reminded me of home. Weird, considering I do not know most of the people that were there.  Yes, some looked at me funny - or was that just me and my brain being tricksy? Some came up and introduced themselves. Some faces were familiar and nice to stand next to and talk to.  But that familiar Utah feeling I sometimes had growing up, that togetherness that I haven't felt in a long time, was there, and it was nice.  How cool is that?  I remember after the activity was over, driving home and feeling almost as if I had entered a different world for an hour or so and now I was leaving it and coming back to reality.

So this activity, although small, and not a big deal to most, was a good thing.  It has made me think. Thinking is good.

The reality is – I need to make some decisions.  Decisions about a lot of things, but in particular, what I want to teach my girls about life and about God.  What kind of people I want them to be around.  It's not just ME now.  I think about it a lot, especially now that Madeline is beginning to try us and test our patience and parenting abilities on a minute to minute basis.  The people we allow her to interact with do, and will always, have an influence and effect on her and how she behaves and on the choices she makes.  I am genuinely concerned that she grow into a well adjusted, happy, successful, well rounded adult who loves her fellow man and knows what is really important in life - and it scares the crap out of me.  

So THIS is what it is to be a parent and to really love someone with every fiber of your being (as my mom always says). These little people are totally dependent on us. Is there even a word to describe how frightening that is? But at the same time, God sent these little angels to us.  He is giving us the job to raise them - so we must have done SOMETHING right and I can find peace in that.  
Every person has these thoughts and feelings at some point in their life, right?  I feel like living here, in this country where certain beliefs are forbidden to be publicized or practiced and believing in certain things can be dangerous, that  those of us living here are strongly compelled, even forced, to examine our souls and what we ourselves truly believe in - even more than a person may need to living somewhere else in the world.  I'm thankful for that.