It All Started With The Spider

It's a beautiful day out today, so I thought it would be nice for Madeline and me to get out of the house and maybe go for a walk. Althought it's sunny and warm, it is also extremely windy today. So a second thought was maybe we could to walk around the mall. It would be fun to be out and we could look at stuff... maybe some books, go smell some lotions, you know.

So we began our adventure. Madeline had just woken up from a nap, had her diaper changed, and was well fed - all her needs were met and she was smiling and kicking and ready to go. So I loaded her into the car and we were off.

When we arrived at the mall we got an awesome parking spot right up front. I got the stroller out of the trunk and was about to get Madeline out of her carseat when I saw something on the stroller..... a spider.

This was the beginning.

I tried to flick the spider but it ran to the back of the stroller. I didn't want it to bite me or Madeline or get on her, so I spent about 5 minutes looking for the little bugger. I never found him. I just hope he fell on the blacktop and scurried away.

It was really windy. So windy that Madeline was thrust backward into the stroller and I almost tipped over. My hair was in my face and I couldn't do anything to get it out, nothing! We finally made it to the door and I pressed the handicapped button so the door would open for me. It was broken. Okay, okay... no big deal. I can pull it open and pull her in from the front. The wheel got stuck on the metal door piece and we had a moment of irritation, but we made it through.

So we're standing in JC Penney looking at these stupid little animal pillows that snore and say stupid things, when a woman and her two children come walking up next to us. The woman's little boy started running circles around Madeline's stroller and yelling or making "bee-you bee-you" sounds. I looked at the mother like,

Could you please get your child away from mine please. But she was an idiot and ignored her child.

I swear, other people's children, grrrrrrrrrrr!!

So then Madeline, who is easily startled in strange unfamiliar places and around strange unfamiliar people begins to cry. We are talking a screaming cry, and she won't stop. Get this!!! The kid is still running around the stroller bee-you bee-youing and the mother doesn't do anything about it. So, I step in...

Placing my hand on his chest and gently bringing him to a halt I gently say, "Okay little man, let's stop it now."

He keeps running around, so I gently do the same thing as before, only this time I assist him in scooting next to his mother and away from Madeline. Then SHE has the audacity to look at me like... why are you touching my child?

Guess what ho? You're just lucky I didn't throw him across the isle cause that's what a felt like doing.

I felt really protective of my baby. Someone made her cry. Yes I am an adult, but all societal teachings aside, I had the urge to whop this kid on the hiney.

All of this happened in a matter of seconds people.

So I picked up Madeline and with her in one arm and the stroller being pushed with the other hand, we scurried off away from those psychos to find the bathroom.

Madeline had a diaper that needed to be changed and apparently the previous event totally ruined her day because she just kept talking and talking and crying - and we are talking gigantic alligator tears here.

So we get to the family bathroom (yay, I love those) and I change her diaper and they have a nursing room so I take her in there to nurse her - hoping some food will relax her - and as I am sitting her back into her stroller, she leans forward and bangs her upper lip on the back of my hand, which is grasping the front of the stroller... Waterworks!!

By this time I have had it. So, without even looking at anything of interest, we leave. Of course, as we are leaving we get blown to death by the wind. We get to the car I can't find my keys, a stranger drives up and puts on their blinker light waiting for me to get in my car and leave - I don't even have the stroller in the trunk yet buddy!! Move along or I will attack! He sits there a while and then finally gets the idea to, hmm, maybe move to the slot on the OTHER SIDE OF MY CAR THAT IS EMPTY - you idiot!

I find my keys and go to unlock my door and I hit my thumbnail on the door and bend my fingernail backwards.

It happened. I screamed. Out loud. And I swore.

The moral of the story (well there are several):

1. If you see a spider on your stroller... just call it quits at that point.
2. Wear a hat on windy days or get a short haircut - I am seriously considering this after this fiasco.
3. If another persons child begins bothering yours - just pull a scary face at them and show them your fist... just kidding - ask the mom to control her child or quickly leave.
4. Always put your keys in the same place.
5. Make sure baby is strapped in so she doesn't hit her little face when her uncontrollable urge to lean forward occurs.
6. Don't go to the mall. Ever.
7. If YOUR child starts bugging someone else or makes a baby cry... do something about it or they may end up being thrown.