Historical Moment

We're renewing our lease next week for one more year in this closet of an apartment we currently reside in. Honestly, it has served us well and it has helped us to save for our future home. It's really all we have needed. But boy am I ready to blow this joint!

This is a historical moment and a time for joyous celebration!!

Things I will not miss:
1. Eating dinner in front of the TV (whether it is on OR off)

2. Stompy McStompsAlot upstairs

3. Wall-Banger McDipwad to the right

4. Being at an increased risk for possible car theft, murder, mugging, etc.

5. Having to turn the heater on when we want hot water (yes this is STILL an issue)

6. Walking 3 miles to take the trash out (exaggeration, it's far, but not that far. But could they get a couple more dumpsters?? Geez! The two they have are overflowing the day after they are emptied)

7. Close neighbors: Now, there is always a possibility that we will have strange neighbors even when we buy our home. But at least at that time, they won't be so close that we can hear them urinating.

The latest crazy wierdo is a guy on the 3rd floor who won't pay his power bill. At least once a week his fire alarm goes off because he lights a candle for Apartment illumination in the evening. We went up there once cause we thought he was dying or burning to death or something... yikes buddy. It was freaky.

My questions...
Why don't you buy a flashlight?
Why don't you place the candle in your living room rather than directly under your fire alarm in the kitchen?
How can you sit there and calmly allow the fire alarm to go on for hours on end??? Hello??!!! Are you insane?

8. Lack of storage and space. Although our living room/dining room/game room/exercise room/art room/library has been fun, I will not miss it.

There is absolutely no room for anything. We are bursting at the seams. We would love to invite friends over to play games or darts or watch a movie... but someone would have to sit on the weight bench or the floor. And you have to climb over the elliptical to pick up any darts that fall to the floor. And if we pull out the fold out table to play a game, you may have to crawl under the table to get to the bathroom.

9. The paper-thin walls and doors that do not provide any sort of insulation or privacy.

10. The scary, slipperly, steep stairs. I wonder if we could just leave all our crap here when we do finally move. Hmm.

And so, we wait. One more year. Let the count down begin!!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Guess who WE are thankful for...

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Movie Idea

Last night Paul and I were playing a WILD game of Scrabble.

Actually, Paul doesn't really like to play Scrabble with me because I am really good at word games and I know all the cool Scrabble words. You know, the words that don't really exist in the real English language.

Also, for some reason I can't help but want to help him out so I always end up looking at his tiles and pretty much playing against myself.

The point of the blog...

So we were playing, and one of us had put the word "home" on the board. We were nearing the end of the game when I decided to put the letter "O" next to the word "home".

HOMEO.

Immediately, ideas of a movie about a romantic rapper from the streets of Brooklyn began to fill my head. His name... you guessed it: Homeo.

Homeo - A "homie" but, like Romeo. Get it? Ehhh??? I gotta send this one to the producers in Hollywood.

Need A Smile?

This totally made my day...

Soap Bits: Results

HE won.
He actually made it through Friday morning and still had a bit of soap left. A little, tiny speck.

What... ever.

Paul's Life Lessons: Tupperware

Paul: taking a tupperware container out of the fridge, "Did you put this in here without the lid on securely?"

Me: "Yes. You're going to eat the chicken that's in it right now anyway, why does it matter?"

Paul: proceeds to demonstrate how to properly secure the tupperware lid.

Me: "awesome, thanks."

Soap Bits

We had already gone grocery shopping for the week when I discovered we were out of Irish Spring body soap. We usually buy our soap in bulk at Sam's Club, and it lasts us a pretty long time. Just reach under the sink and grab a new bar... easy.

I use the Irish Spring sometimes. Other times I will use my Dial Mountain Fresh liquid body soap and my loofa (it smells like lilacs and helps bring out my feminine side).

Once I realized we were out of soap, except for the small little soap bits in the shower, I notified Paul of our predicament....

"We better go to the store and get some soap," I said.

Paul's immediate reply, "I could last the whole week on what's left in that shower."

"Whatever!" I said. "You wanna bet?"

The Soap Bits

Hence... the stipulations:
1. Paul will shower exactly how he normally does, washing every nook and cranny

2. Paul will only use the soap bits, and not any of my body soap or shampoo

3. Paul will use the soap every day, and in every shower taken - not skipping a day and just rinsing. This applies to the days we go to the gym and he takes 2 showers.

4. I will not use any of the soap bits or sabotage the bits by throwing them away or accidentally knocking them down the drain.

5. If Paul runs out of soap bits, he must accept defeat and not sneak to the store and buy another bar of Irish Spring and artistically alter it to look like soap bits.

The Winner's Reward...
If I win: I get a 1 hour massage. I can't lose! Paul is a teddy bear! A giant loofa in and of himself!

If Paul wins: I will take the garbage out for a week.

Life Changing Decisions: Eyeliner

I've decided to stop wearing eyeliner - at least on the bottom lid of my eye, and for every day make-up. I mean, I guess if we go out I might wear it cause it gives you that.... "I'm out being pretty" look.

I was watching a makeover show the other day and the make-up artist was giving fresh "tips" on how to look more natural while wearing make-up. Apparently, if you put eyeliner on the top AND bottom of your eyelid - it makes your eyes look smaller.... what do you think?

#1 we have the top with NO eyeliner
#2 only the top lid having eyeliner
#3 and finally both top and bottom having eyeliner applied




















I know what you're thinking... if I wanted to look more natural, I could just not wear make-up at all! Duh, Edith. Well... that's a no go. This is what I look like without make-up...




No thanks.

Double Vision

WooOooOooOoo!!!

Weigh. Your. Bananas.

My husband, Paul, is a very good husband. We go grocery shopping together whenever we need anything. While shopping, I push the cart - usually - cause Paul doesn't want to look like a "Nancy boy," and that's fine with me. He frequently rubs my shoulders or plays with my hair while we peruse the isles and walk around the store. Talk about a lucky lady, eh gals??!

We have set up a system...
1. We use the self-checkout if possible
2. Paul runs the items over the scanner and slides the card for payment
3. I bag the groceries and usually grab the receipt

Our system works well. But there is one thing I find hilarious and peculiar about our shopping trips. For some reason, whenever Paul is weighing fruit, he shoots his hands up as if someone was holding a gun on him and has just told him to "stick 'em up!". He does it quick, he does it abruptly... it's startling at times.

I've asked him why he does this and he never really answers. Is it because he doesn't want the machine to calculate in any of his body weight if he were to have a finger placed on the fruit or vegetable being weighed, in order to avoid an extra charge?? Is it because he doesn't want the video camera to think he is doing something sneaky??

All I know is, it is fun to watch and it makes me laugh. What a darling man.

-Laughter is the best medicine
--------------------------------------

This is Paul.
The reason why I do the arm raise is to avoid having to do a reweigh of the product. To increase my speed I used to leave my hand on the bag that was being weighed. This didn't work, it seemed that I would always have to reweigh the product because it may have "looked like" I was lifting the bag as I was weighing to decrease the weight. This was never the case. Since I have had to reweigh several times I have changed my technique. I raise my arms up so there is no question that I am weighing the item only. This will leave no doubt to the camera people and the self checkout lady, in the event that the machine was reset by one of them. Since I have implemented the method I have never needed to reweigh a product at a Walmart self check out. The method has been proven over 5 years.

In case you were wondering.
Paul

I'm Kinda Tired

I didn't sleep a wink last night.

Have you ever just had one of those nights? You can't get comfortable, your hot - so you take the blanket off, but then you get cold. The guy upstairs, who apparently has 50 pound weights on each foot and stomps with all his might when he walks, can't seem to sit still. It's 3:00 am buddy!!!

A car outside comes driving into the parking lot with the radio blaring... the "boom! boom!" of the speakers shakes my very soul!!! We get it man!!! You are SO COOL with your loud A$$ radio. He sits in the parking lot with it blaring just a little bit longer while he.... what? I have no idea. Picks his nose?

As I lay there, I begin to imagine myself, and my life, as a video game... I am equipped with a bazooka.... I blow up the booming car. I blow up my neighbor. It's just a game, right? Now I can get some sleep....ahhhhh....

Nope.

Now my mind is racing... I really need to figure out a paper topic for my advanced class.... That pumpkin out on the counter is rotting.... I should throw it out.... flies.... ugh..... tomorrow is clinical... do I have everything?.... why won't Paul stop moving his foot.... Oh great... now he has his knee up and it keeps falling to the side.... It's 4:30 am.... I can still get 2 1/2 hours... come on!!

Silence?

The birds decide to start chirping.... I hate nature. It's WINTER!! Fly south!!! Oh wait, this is the South.

So... I guess I'll sleep on Friday.

Boo!

We carved a pumpkin this weekend. You know they're charging $5.00 for a pumpkin now? Since we're trying to save money for our dream house (every penny counts!), we just got one.

I carved one side, and Paul carved the other.

The past 2 years for halloween we've gotten those really tiny pumpkins and painted faces on them, but this year I really wanted to do it the old fashioned way. Paul was debatable, but I convinced him to go along with it by stating I would scoop out the slimey pumpkin guts. I did use yellow rubber gloves though.... half way through, I took them off.

That's right... I have been feeling really uninhibited lately. I am a mad woman!

Mad Gab of the day...

"Amen Ask Hurt"

Say it fast, sound it out... what am I really saying here?

Bless Me.

I sneezed today and bit my tongue at the same time. The sneeze felt great, but the bite hurt like a mother. Such a paradox. Being a "cup half full" kinda gal, I decided to focus on the positive and bask in the joy of a good sneeze. It was magnificent.

Old People Are Funny

Yesterday I spent my morning, and part of my afternoon, helping out at a health fair being put on at a retirement community here in Memphis.

My partner and I were there to teach/remind the residents living there about proper foot care as we age. We had a whole little presentation and a nifty looking handout with tips for maintaining healthy feet and pictures of feet on it for anyone who passed by our table to take home and hang on their fridge.

*By the way, proper foot care is essential for people of ALL ages*

Anyway, in a room nearby there were nurses giving flu shots to all of the residents and they needed assistance preparing the syringes and getting bandaids ready - to speed up the process. So, I spent a good portion of the day helping out in the shot room.

The big joke between the older folks was something about a "square needle." They thought it was funny to tell the nurses to use a square needle on their buddies so it would hurt more. They laughed and laughed about it.

There was one guy - aged 94 years, and extremely active and chipper - who thought it would be funny to scream when he got his shot. The whole room jumped and then started laughing - all except for one woman. It severely scared her, and she was hesitant to get her shot at all. She kept referring to the man who scrame as,
"not right" and, "a weasle."

The funniest part of my day was when an 86-yr-old man came up to the nurse I was helping to get his shot. The nurse told him to take a seat on the chair and she would give him his flu shot. He replied,

"take a seat on my lap, little lady, and I'll give you a poke right back." He-llo!!