Mystical Moments

I was blessed with a contagious smile, nice hair, and pretty long eyelashes.
I was also blessed with - UNBELIEVABLY PORCELAIN WHITE SKIN.

What is a "tan"? Me no speak-a tannishese.

It is foreign to my cells. I don't think I have any sort of melanin in my skin at all. When I do get a chance to be out in the sun, I burn - unless I wear sunscreen, which, I do.

In fact, even when I wear suntan lotion, I don't get tan, I get these little red dots all over my skin. It's atrotious and scary!

Now-a-days anyone who purposefully lays for a long period of time in the sun to get a tan is just an idiot looking for a sunburn sandwich with a side order of skin cancer. No thanks!

In my previous quest for tan skin I have tried the creams, lotions, and self-tanning sprays. They either don't go on evenly, streak, wash off with any smidgeon of humidity, or don't work at all. Also, they smell.

So, I finally decided to try a mystic tan. I've known of the "mystic tan" for several years now and have always wanted to try it.

It was an interesting experience to say the least.

The sales girl, a mystic tanner herself, was very excited that it was my first time. She eagerly showed me the "mystic tan stance"

pardon the crudity of my quick sketch, you get the idea

That's so you get your armpits and any other "cracks" that might normally be missed otherwise.

But, before getting in the booth of mists...

You must apply a barrier cream to your knuckles and cuticle areas, or they will look all poopy and stuff - no one wants poopy fingers.

Okay, so the barrier cream is applied, the hair net is on, you are buck naked - in your own little room so no one can see - and it's time to jump in the booth and push the green button.

Ready Stance!!

Push button!!!

GO!!!

The mist SHOOTS out at your face and goes up and down, up and down, 3 or 4 times. It smells bad, and it's best to take a deep breath beforehand, if possible.

I was assured that if I did happen to breath in some of the "mist" that it is not harmful and I would be okay.

If you MUST take a breath during the mist, it's best to do it when the mist is pointed at your feet.

After a while though, it really doesn't matter when you take a breath cause the whole little booth fills with the stuff.

ICK!

Then, the mist stops, and gives you a second to turn around and get into position for the back spray. After it is all over, you towel dry off, get dressed, and leave.

Will it work? Will I wake up tomorrow with the tan of my dreams??????

stay tuned!