I Can't Believe I'm Not Better.

You totally thought "I can't believe it's not butter" when you read that title, didn't you?

I have officially joined the "has a blog but never writes in it" club and I am ashamed of myself.  So much has happened in our lives in the last year and I have not been very good about writing anything down.  All I can do is start anew, SO! I plan on posting something every day.  This blog may become more of a journal.  But like exercise, it's time to make it a priority.  How many times have I said this? How many times have I made this promise to myself?  Who cares! Today is a new day with a new goal.
Through pictures, I am going to try to remember what we did on our repat vacation and back track a little.  While doing that, I'm going to write about our current days.  Should be exciting, entertaining? Maybe. Maybe not.  I do this for me, my girls, my family, and my friends.

Visiting The Past: Homeo

...until I can come up with some more entertaining and interesting blogs, I thought I'd take you back on a journey many moons ago to 2006.

I STILL haven't seen a movie like this made: Homeo. Enjoy!

It Will Go On... Just Not For You.

I've decided to no longer do Madeline's Monthly Message publicly. I still plan on doing it for her and for her little sister when she is born, but for them. I dislike the restrictions of public writing, the inhibited moments where I hold back a little for fear I offend someone. Also, I don't know if anyone who happens upon the blog should know little details of Madeline's life and the likes and dislikes she has.
I still want to share the happenings and funny or adorable things my children do on the blog, but I think I need to refocus what I really want to write about on here. Lately (when I do write, which has been rare) it has all been about Madeline. Yes, she is my LIFE, but there are other things on my mind that belong on the blog too.
So there you have it.

Finishing.

I've never been good at finishing things. I have several goals. Some new and fresh; some that have been dusted off a few times; some covered in cobwebs; and some I have forgotten about or given up on because I made too many excuses too many times.

It's sad really, because I believe these ideas I have, that at times suddenly pop into my head, do so for a reason. I believe objects come into my life because they are supposed to... like books or art supplies, etc. Books specifically have been on my mind a lot lately.

I have MANY books in my posession. Some referred to me by friends. Some given to me or referred by my inspiring, knowledge flowing momma. Some I just saw somewhere and thought, "hmm, that looks like a good book."

To be completely honest with myself and the universe, I don't think I have ever really read any of them (okay, maybe a couple, I don't remember) all the way through! Not even my Bible - don't judge me - I know that's in there somewhere.

I feel like I have let myself down. I feel like my brain is numb in some areas (That could also be from lack of sleep). I feel like there is a smarter, more interesting, and vivacious me inside that could be doing more with herself. Saying more, using my talents more, sharing more with the world.

So, a goal: Read every book I have all the way through - even my Bible. I'm actually quite excited about this.

My first book is called: The Soul's Pallete - Drawing on arts transformative powers for health and well-being. So far, I am really liking it and it has made me want to start up my art again.

Some Things

We've been having problems with our wireless router the past couple weeks and haven't really had the time to fix it or replace the router. This means that the easy and quick access to the internet that we had with the laptop downstairs has been interrupted. If I want to get on the internet for anything I have to come upstairs.

Coming upstairs is a chore. Madeline hates it up here - unless she can play on the stairs, mess with and chew on wires, climb all over the elliptical, push buttons on the printer, or go through the garbage. She is ripping paper as I type this, and... eating it... one sec. Sometimes kitty will give me a break and let Madeline harass her while I do some stuff.

Sometimes, I find myself looking for things that it would be okay for her to destroy because she has no interest in her toys when we are up here.

The only real time I have to get anything done on the computer is when she is napping or after midnight when she is finally asleep. THAT time is when I want to exercise and shower and sleep and do a million other things. Sometimes thinking about it drives me mad. I imagine myself in a vicious whirlwind of "things to do" and I can't get to any of them. Then I stop and I realize... it's okay. What is my problem?

I am living that life I always dreamed of when I was younger. I have my sweet baby girl and she is active and fun and interested in her world. Every second she is getting bigger and changing. She is a challenge and she makes me think. I want her to be happy. I want her to know she matters to me and she is interesting and important.

So, the blog is neglected. So, I don't get to read the 400 other blogs I like to read, or see who has just let the world know they just burped the alphabet (on facebook). So maybe it takes me two weeks to do 4 loads of laundry. Maybe the router broke for a reason. Maybe some things are just more important.

Call Me The John Kerry Of Blogging

So I'm public, then private, then public, then private.... call me names if you want - flip flopper; weird-O; Mrs. Can't Make A Decision; It's whatever. I can take it.

Happy May 14th

This week Paul's Mom and Dad are in town visiting so I am not blogging much. We love when family and friends come to visit us *hint *hint.

Not Private

So it's May... already over a week into May - PATHETIC - and obviously the blog isn't private, as I said it may be. Unfortunately, for someone to read a private blog using blogger they do have to have a GMAIL account. I know many of my readers, family, and friends do NOT have a GMAIL account, SO until I can get my own server and webpage set up, we will still be public and I will just try to be careful. I'm working on getting that going as soon as I can. I will post information about it when it happens.

Stripes

Just fooling around a bit with the background. So, do the stripes make it hard to read my posts?

Flip Flopper

Okay... I can't stop thinking about whether or not I should make this blog private or not. It's obviously bothering me. Look what I did this morning when changing Madeline's diaper. I put ANOTHER diaper on her instead of her pants! My mind is somewhere else.


I know, I know... you're thinking,

"Sheesh, what is up with this lady? She was so SURE in the previous post that she was going private. How annoying! First she says she is going to go private. Then she says she isn't. Make up your mind already - Flip Flopper."

There is no need for name calling. Maybe I will just take the month of April to THINK about making it private. What do you think? What would YOU do?

I have been thinking about changing my URL though. "eyesofthebeholders" was just something I thought of, spur of the moment, when I first started my blog. It doesn't really fit me and my blog, and it's hard to remember if there is an "s" at the end or not on the "eye" part or the "beholder" part.

Hmph.

Just go ahead as planned with providing me with your info. and I will make my final decision later.

Change

I'm doing some spring cleaning on the blog also, so if it looks messy for a couple days, that's why.

Pondering

I can't believe it's January 11th... excuse me the 12th, and I still haven't posted a blog. There really are so many things I could write about. I should probably write a list and then spread each topic out of the next couple of weeks. Yeah! That's a good idea. So that is good for today. I'm off to write my list.