2012 So Far: Abigail is Walking

January 2012 - just about to walk on her own

Abigail Lily has been excited about moving from the start. From birth she has particularly admired her older sister, Madeline, and her ability to dance, run, and just move in general.  From the beginning I frequently noticed her look of awe as Mads would run in circles around her during tummy time. 

 I was actually surprised it took so long, and it was a very gradual process - first standing, moving along furniture, pushing a walker and then finally that first step toward Momma - but as of January 16th, 2012, I can confidently say Abigail Lily is walking... and yes, I squealed like a pig (probably snorted too as the joy of the moment overflowed past a normal laugh).

Actually, at this point (March 3rd), she is running, climbing, and attempting small steps.  She is officially "one of the gang" when referring to our nightly jaunts around the kitchen/dining room/hallway/play room.  Who knew running in circles would be SO much fun?

Who knew having kids would be so emotionally gratifying and fulfilling?? I did. And I love it.

It Rained

Last week it rained.  Did you just read that?  It rained in the desert of Saudi Arabia - and not just a sprinkle.  It rained for a couple of days straight.  The kind of rain that cleanses everything and causes a sweet smell of dirt and leaves and water to remain.  It wasn't the same smell I fell in love with living in Utah, but it was nice and fresh and cool.

I love how everything looks after it rains.  The roofs on the houses are all orange again.  There is this tree I look at alot that is behind our house. It has the most beautiful, large green leaves on it, but they are always covered in dust.  There have been several times when I have thought about going back there and spraying it off with the hose.  The rain did that for me and it is such a beautiful green tree.

Madeline and I had a really nice moment sitting together watching the rain and talking.


The view from our front window





Some of our plants getting real water, not salt water.

Living here has been such an interesting lesson in being grateful for the little things in life.  Little things like rainstorms, bacon, the freedom (as a woman) to drive anywhere I want to anytime I want to, etc.  Now, if it could just snow.

Update: We Are Still Alive

It has been an exhausting 3 weeks, but it has been great.  We are in love with our little family.

Abigail Lily - The Abster is adjusting well to life outside the womb.  She is a healthy newborn in every aspect of the word.  She nurses a lot - some days it feels like that's all I do - and we've already been spit up on and pooped and peed on several times.  I find myself comparing my experiences with Abigail to my times with Madeline but regularly being surprised that things are different.  I also find myself calling Abigail by her sister's name a lot.  Madeline looked a lot like Abigail does when she was a newborn (comparison blog coming soon). Still, there are definite differences. 

Abigail is a very sweet, mellow baby and really enjoys just looking around at her world when she is not sleeping.  She loves to be held by her mommy (yay).  She smiles a lot and makes funny noises when she stretches that sound like she is laughing really hard.  We all get a kick out of it.  She is quickly learning a slight case of impatience because, unfortunately, she has had to wait for feedings at times because Madeline is also in the picture. 

Abigail sleeps most of the day and loves to be awake at night. I call it "womb-lag."  She did the same thing when she was in my belly - her most active times were at night.  Because of this, I sleep at wierd times and in spurts, often eating breakfast at lunchtime and so on and so forth.  This is normal for a new baby - I know - but I am sure looking forward to a regular schedule again. 

At 3 weeks old, we are having issues with snot and sneezing.  I think Abigail caught a little cold from her sister.  But the nasal suction bulb is working wonders (I had no idea boogers that big could come out of such a little person!!) and I am hoping she will be over it soon.  I am starting to realize that a huge part of having little kids is dealing with illness and that those big yellow boogers and I are going to be good friends for many years to come.

Madeline Olivia - Mads is doing well with adjusting to having a new sister, but she is definitely not too happy with sharing her Mommy.  She loves to hold Abby, and often asks to give her hugs and kisses.  She talks to her a lot (calling her "sweetheart and honey") and wants to sit by her and help me with changing diapers, etc.  Paul and I have made it a point to emphasize to Madeline how much we love her and to make her feel a part of everything and loved.  Despite this, she still has her moments, which we expected.
 
Unfortunately Madeline has had a cold on and off for the past several weeks and it recently got worse so we have been trying to keep her away from the baby and trying to emphasize the importance of clean hands and covering our mouths when we sneeze or cough.  Trying to teach these things to a 2 year old is not the easiest thing in the world and Madeline often appears to have hurt feelings.  She also spends a lot of time on the floor just laying there in rebellion.  

Paul has been sleeping with Madeline in her room for the past several nights, but I still end up in there if she has a cough attack or wakes up crying because she wants her mom.

This is something that has been the hardest adjustment for me... not being able to BE THERE for both of my girls at the same time.  I often find myself day dreaming that I could split myself into two. I cannot nurse Abigail and cuddle and love my sick Madeline.  Both have had to wait it out at different times and it seriously tears me apart (HA! I wish cause then there WOULD be two of me).  Especially with Madeline because I see her face and can tell she is hurt by it all. 

Despite her recent bouts with ear infections and cough attacks, Madeline has had a lot of inbetween healthy moments and we are trying to keep her busy.  She loves going on walks and often ends up down the street with her friend Kiersten playing at the playground.  She has been attending playschool now for a little over a week (she missed the last one due to her cold) and she LOVES it.  I think it makes her feel really special and she likes being with all the other kids. 

I also signed Madeline and myself up for a kindermusik class being given here on camp but we missed the first class because of Madeline being sick.  I hope we can make it to the next class. 

Paul a.k.a. SUPERMAN - I am continuously reminded of how lucky I am to have this man as MY husband.  From the moment he started his "vacation" on December 27th, he has worked hard to make sure we are all happy.  He has made dinner a million times; he takes care of Madeline a lot - feeding her breakfast, getting her dressed, taking her on walks or outside to play, taking her to the doctor, playing with her, and dancing with her; he is so amazing and I am so overwhelmed with love and appreciation for him.  I feel bad that Paul's vacation from work has been more work than relaxation. 

I have noticed an even tighter bond forming between Paul and Mads (of course this makes sense) and I am glad he is there for her.  He is very protective of Madeline and her feelings. She even calls for him sometimes when she wakes up now. Our bond (mine and Paul's) has been tested a lot with all the stress and lack of sleep we are having, but no matter how crazy psycho freakish I get, he still loves me, kisses me, hugs me, and wants to take care of me.  Sometimes I just don't understand it, then I remember this guys actually loves me.  This is LOVE.  And I am one lucky chick!

Edith (yours truly) - This delivery has been so universally different from my first delivery that at times, even shortly after having Abigail, I didn't even feel like I'd had a baby.  Because the delivery was so fast there was less swelling and because I didn't have any serious injury (tears) healing has been quick.  From day one I was rearing to go.  I have been reminded by my body that I, in fact, DID have a baby though and need to take it easy. 

The day I got home from the hospital I passed a clot that was the size of a baseball.  It scared the hell out of me so Paul and I dropped Madeline off at a friends house and went to the ER.  They were thorough (we were there several hours) and we were examined by three different doctors and blood tests and ultra sounds were done.  All leading to the conclusion that I was okay - no abnormal labs or bits and pieces of things that shouldn't be there inside - and I just needed to go home and rest.

My lack of sleep, combined with emotional roller coasters and hormonal adjustments, has made me a bit of a wreck - the first week or so after the baby was born especially.  There were often times I would just start crying for no reason or for a reason that made no sense.  I think I scared Paul and Madeline and I am deeply irritated and saddened about that.  I've been so tired at times I literally have FALLEN asleep, but I have gotten a lot better, and with proper sleep, can be quite a nice person.

For the first week after having the baby I was suffering from the chills at night. I would be just fine and then I would get this tingle in my left boob that would spread all over my body and I would shake uncontrollably... Paul got good at applying socks, loading piles of blankets on top of me, and then cuddling me until I was warm (AGAIN, what a freaking amazing man!).  I thought I might have an infection from nursing/engorgement because I did have a low-grade fever and HOLY HELL did the engorgement when I first started nursing hurt like a mother! But, after a few days, it passed and I had no other signs of infection.  Oh, and thankfully, the nursing experience has gotten much nicer and we have adjusted to each other nicely.

I have been seriously overwhelmed by the concern of our new friends here. The women in this community where we now live are so unbelievable. Several of the mommies I have gotten to know through playgroups got together and organized a schedule to deliver meals to our family until the beginning of FEBRUARY.  Not just a week... we are talking meals every couple days or so for an entire month... and it has been so wonderful to not have to worry about making dinner while we adjust to life with two.  Chicken teriyaki lettuce wraps, noodle salads, brownies, cookies, a roast with potatoes and carrots, lasagna, shepherd's pie, chicken and dumplings, delicious salads, homemade bread... the deliciousness goes on and on and our hearts and swelling with grateful compassion for these sweet spirits - some perfect strangers to us - who have taken the time out of their busy, family-filled days, to care about us.
 
It will take some time, but I have faith in myself that I can do this.  I can love these two little girls and this man who I have been blessed with in my life the way they should be loved.  I can serve them and teach them and be the Mommy/Wife I have always wanted to be.  We are doing really well.  We are blessed.  We are happy and I KNOW we will be just fine. 

To all those family and friends out there who we haven't called yet - I'm so sorry.  We have been meaning to call or skype or even email you, but there is always something going on around here and when there isn't? We're usually asleep.  So please, KNOW that we love you and please be patient with us.  We can't wait to talk with you and see you and share our new little one with you... and thank you for loving us.

Pictures and fun stuff coming soon!

Abby New Year!

Abigail Lily

Born: January 1st, 2011 (1/1/11)

 9:40 pm

8 lbs. 6 oz.
21 inches long

December 30th, 2010: I had very vague, non-threatening, and constant thigh, lower back, and abdominal cramping all day long. They were nothing timeable and very tolerable so I just took it easy and lived with it as we continued our lives.  We took Madeline to Kings Road to play at the park and run around in the field.  We got the most awesome parking spot right in front of the entrance gate to the field. There were too many people there so I passed on doing squats across the field as I had originally planned to help possibly bring labor on.  Just picture it - a chubby pregnant lady doing walking squats across a large grassy field with at least 50 Saudi men and women dressed in their modest best grazing on blankets and picnicing as their children play and frolick about.

December 31st, 2010: Contractions become noticeable and timeable, but they are all over the place.  Eight minutes apart here, 11 minutes apart there, an hour goes by with nothing, then 6 minutes.  Interesting, but to unpredictable and not enough to "rock the boat."

They say "don't eat if you feel like you are going into labor!!" But "THEY" haven't tasted the filet steak with pepper cream sauce that Paul is making for New Year's Eve dinner - I'm eatin'!!

Movie night with the family.  Madeline falls asleep next to me on the couch and I look at her and stroke her hair as I begin to sob heavily, realizing our time alone, "just us," will soon be over.  She has been an amazing first kid and I am so in love with her.  How will this all affect her? How will things change? Will she be okay? So many worries.... but a feeling of peace and a realization that everything happens for a reason, God loves me and blesses me, and that there is nothing negative about this experiences washes over me.  More tears because THAT realization is deep and so surreal.

Bedtime: Contractions noticeable and timeable - exactly 8 minutes apart!! Excitement!! But then I lay down and they completely disappear except for when I move or walk around.  Baby Abigail is more active than she has ever been and kicks me in the throat.

January 1st, 2011 (1/1/11):  No extra tax break this year.  We are excited and hopeful Abigail will be born today because it's such a COOL birthday! What a way to start the year.
Contractions are timeable, but too far apart at 8 - 10 minutes for most of the day. That last one was 11 minutes apart.... crap!  Still, I am hopeful something will happen today!

Lose the plug (Bet you wanted to know that) and see pink! We see pink when we go potty!  Ewww.  Have to call my Mom. 

Pink stops.  Hope is dwindling.

Hmm... that last contraction was actually quite painful.  Sort of had to stop what I was doing and hold still while it finished. This goes on for several hours.  Mean, grouchy Edith comes out and isn't very patient.  I snap at Paul for moving his arm and accidentally bumping into my belly.  Then I snap at him again for asking me what I want for dinner - how dare he be so nice!!!
I walk around panicking for a while and finally make a decision.  I tell Paul to stop making dinner (rice cooking, raw chicken out and ready to be cooked) - let's go get checked out.  We call our dear friends who have offered to watch Madeline and tell them "we're goin' in for a check!"

Emotions are still running high.  We get our bags and jackets (SHOOOOOT I forgot my pillow and notepad) and then take Madeline to her pal Kiersten's house. 

"Want to go to Kiersten's house Madeline?" I ask.

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy!" she yells. 

As soon as she is out of her carseat she bolts for the door.  No "good bye Mommy" or "I love you Mommy." I start to cry.  Paul tells Madeline to come hug me.  She runs over, and as I take a whiff of her berry flavored hair and soak in her sweet aura she whispers, "Yuv you Mommy, bye bye."

TEARS. 

Amazing super cool and awesome friend, Kasondra, comes running out to hug me and say good luck.... more TEARS. 

And we're off!

5:15 pm - Paul drops me off at the entrance to the ER and goes to park the car.  I waddle in and wait patiently as the man at the front desk finishes his phone conversation.  He kindly interrupts his friend, "Can I help you?" I smile, "I think I'm in labor." Two other people poke their heads out from behind a wall and smile at me for a good 30 seconds.  I smile back. They continue to look at me. Awkward silence occurs.  They finally come walking toward me and grab a wheelchair to take me upstairs to be examined (and probably sent home).

A very nice woman gives me a gown to change into and then, after I am changed, asks me to lay down so she can monitor my contractions. "How far apart are the contractions?" she asks.

"Oh they're about 5, 6 minutes apart." I lied. They were only 8 last I checked, but I did do a quick prayer and promise never to be bad ever again if they would get closer.

The monitoring begins... They're about 5 MINUTES APART NOW! Yes!  But after an exam it is discovered I am only 2 cm dilated and 75% effaced.  The nice lady decides to admit me anyway stating it is only because they are consistently 5 minutes apart - I WILL NEVER BE BAD EVER AGAIN!

Admitted 6:00-ish pm.  We talk with the nurse, make a call to our friends to let them know we were admitted and then I start walking the halls.  The contractions get even stronger and I have to sit down.  We decide it would probably be a good time for Paul to go get something to eat because we realize - at only 2 centimeters - it may be a really long night. 

SHIFT change.  The new nurse is not so friendly.  I later realize that she IS friendly she was just annoyed that we were admitted because now it will probably be a long night and we will have to "do something" (start pitocin) in her eyes to make things progress faster.  As I get to know her, I realize she is in a huge hurry for some reason.  Why is she in such a hurry?  Am I the only labor of the night and she was hoping not to have to do any cases tonight so she could read the rest of that romance novel she can't seem to put down? I can't help but be annoyed at this.  I am excited to let things take their course naturally... and then, excited for that delicious, scrumdiddleeuptious epidural and the hours of pain free contractions and talking with Paul and planning our retirement, etc. etc.

While Paul is gone getting some food I listen to some music on my iPod, but it's hard to relax with the nurse midwife sitting there filling out paperwork and staring at me.  Time goes by... contractions happen.  According to me - being the one feeling the contractions, which I think is a good source of info. - they are pretty strong.  Much more annoying and painful than regular period cramps (And I grew up having some pretty painful ones) but the nurse keeps telling me that they are still just "very mild contractions" and the monitor isn't even picking some of them up.  Paul and I both think the same thing and verbally state, "is it possible your little fetal monitor belt is too loose? not working well? or that the fact that I have a little chub cushioning the blow may absorb some of the severity?"

8:00 pm:  The OB doctor comes in for a look.  I'm now dilated to a 3-4 and about 85% effaced.  They decide to break my water BEFORE the anesthesiologist comes to give me that lovely epidural.  The one you are supposed to be able to have when you make it to 3 cm. 

Between 8-9:00 pm: Contractions are getting much stronger, much closer, and I am not having a good time.  I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME.  I am rolling around, hugging the bed rail, squeezing Paul. 

9:00 pm: Anesthesiologist makes an appearance.  Talks a lot about how long he has been an anesthesiologist, the risks, etc., I sign consent, blah blah blah.  Ten or 11 really strong contractions later (I am light headed, writhing in pain, moaning), he has the catheter in, but he is not sure if it is really in... we may need to re-do it... wait... he's taping it to my back... OH, so it is in then? Umm, yeah, it's in (he says in an "I think" tone).  Is it possible we can be more confident about this?  I am not a huge fan of pain.  Yes. it's definitely in (still in an "I think" tone). He adds the medicine to the epidural - no change on the left side.  The right side gets warm and I can't feel the contractions for about 10 minutes, but the left side is still full of life and feeling.  The contractions seem as if they are now on top of each other with no breaks inbetween.  The anesthesiologist says, "give it some time to work. Lay on your left side to help the medicine over."  Basically tells us not to call him for AT LEAST 30 minutes, and leaves.  Feeling returns to the right side... GREAT!

9:25 pm: I feel like I should push.  So the midwife does a quick check - " Yep! It's time to push! You're fully dilated. At this point you cannot get an epidural anyway... blah blah blah BLAH!!!"   I'm thinking - "so you still think I should have been sent home huh?!!" They gave Paul a mask and a can of gas and told him to put it on my face when I could feel pain.  I left the mask on pretty much the entire time except for when I was pushing.  I was breathing in the gas so much that I became REALLY dizzy.  I was breathing really hard and became very light headed. 

Push 1 - nothing
Push 2 - half the head was out
Push 3 - entire head out
Push 4, 5, 6 and with a little help/pulling - shoulders and rest of Abby.

9:40 pm: Official birth time and pain vanishes! Halelujah!

Nurse comment: "Next time you have a baby come in as soon as you feel contractions."  HA!

No tears or episiotomy, minimal swelling, an expected discomfort and weakness - but I am healing nicely and this experience physically, compared to the birth of Madeline, was a a very pleasant one.  I felt like super woman!!

Abigail is a very beautiful, quiet baby.  She only cries when she is hungry and, even then, that is after several minutes of wiggling around to give me a chance to notice she needs something.  Even the pediatrician commented on how quiet her cry is during her exam - "That's all you've got eh?" he kept saying.  She likes to look around and just stare at everything, and she already smiles when her momma talks to her. 

Abigail and Madeline are getting along well.  The expected confusion is there for Madeline, and she has shown some discomfort when I nurse the baby, but she is accepting it and often talks with Abigail and comforts her when she cries.  There have been several group hug sessions -which I love! Madeline loves to hold her little sister. 

I am in love with my girls, my husband, and my life! We are very, very blessed and so excited for this new year!

Lemon Meringue Pie: Take 1

Childhood memories have always been very peculiar to me. I remember certain things so clearly I could describe colors, smells, or even the pattern on someone's shirt.  Then there are those times I can barely recall anything.  Great big chunks of nothingness. The mind is so strange. Just the other day I was laying next to Madeline as she was going to sleep for a nap and she was talking to me - so we were face to face - and her breath smelled exactly like I remember my Grandma Vivi's breath smelling.  I remember how much I loved that smell as a child.  It was sort of sweet and clean smelling. Then I remembered how much I admired my Grandma and how much I miss her.  The experience surprised me and made me really happy all at the same time.

 A lot of my favorite memories revolve around food.  My Great Grandma Lily, My Grandma Vivi, and my Mom were all very good cooks and you could count on tantalized taste buds when sitting down to a meal at any of their homes. My Mom is still a great cook, but I have certain memories and certain favorite recipes I will never forget.  Off the top of my head: Mom's meatloaf (I still haven't had meatloaf anywhere in the world as good as hers), which was always accompanied by peas and a baked potato or it just wasn't right; her scrumptious Spanish rice and meatballs with bacon and green peppers (drool); homemade braided french bread and breadsticks - I could eat two loaves in one sitting; and that cheesy, creamy halibut casserole - Mmmm! One of my most favorite desserts - Her homemade lemon meringue pie passed down through the generations.  The crust was always flaky and melted in your mouth; the filling was sweet and tangy; and the meringue was the perfect sweetened topping, which was not only edibly pleasing, but aesthetically pleasing. As a child I requested it many times for special occassions.

Anyway, so I got married...


Forever and ever, amen.

and I always imagined making these recipes for my husband and children when I grew up, and passing on the secrets and traditions of our family.  Only, I happened to marry a very picky eater and, unfortunately, he wasn't a big fan of casseroles, seafood, meat with onions or ketchup in or on it, any form of Mexican/Spanish foods, and desserts other than ice cream - specifically PIE.  That pretty much knocked out everything but the breads.

So in the almost 9 years we have been married, I haven't done much traditional cooking.  Our weekly meal plan consists mainly of chicken in several different forms, spaghetti or some other noodley-type dish, and once in a while a steak or some hamburger ("no bun or condiments though for me please," said Paul.) - all with a nice side item of either rice, potato, salad, beans, corn, or - if I am feeling really fancy - some kind of fruit.  Admittedly, he has come a long way since then and will try more things and eat more things and if a piece of rice just happens to touch his meat, he's okay with that.

Considering I was a college girl the first 4 years of our marriage and then I worked full time as a nurse after that, it didn't really cross my mind that I wasn't doing what I always thought I'd do.  It didn't really bother me... I just made what made the man happy. Isn't that what a good wife does?

But then...



Baby Madeline Olivia

Hi baby!

And then...



We moved to Saudi Arabia

All of the sudden, I had, not only a child of my own, but an opportunity to be what I always wanted - a stay at home wife and mother.  This blessing alone had changed everything and my thinking has changed some.  I still, and will always accomodate the tastes and likes of my man.  He is everything to me and I can't fault him for being him.  I wish he liked all the wonderful foods he is missing out on, but he doesn't... and that's okay.  BUT (and that's a huge BUTT), I want to give every choice to my children.  I want them to be exposed to the delicious peppers, and onions, and casseroles, and PIES... there is so much out there to taste my friends, and it is friggin' delicious! 



So, for the first time in my life I am trying to cook more.  I am starting to make those old recipes and trying to bring back the tasty deliciousness of my childhood.  To begin: I am attempting to make my Great Grandma Lily's lemon meringue pie for this upcoming Thanksgiving.  I have two weeks to perfect it and get it just right.  Not until recently did I learn that not only is this the best lemon meringue pie in the world, but it was very important to get "the nod of approval" from Great Grandpa Paul before one was deemed worthy and received the "right of passage" as a lemon meringue pie professional wife and mother. 

My Mom's experience:

"We actually had to make the perfect pie and then take it to Grandpa Paul for the final taste test judgment.  I still remember watching Grandpa staring at the piece of pie I brought him for several minutes and then him putting the first bite in his mouth and rolling it around while breathing deeply in and out... and then I got "The nod." His approval was a crowning moment in my life."

So, even though my guy isn't a pie man, I want my children, my friends, and strangers from all walks of life to say, "Holy crap! This is the best lemon meringue pie I have ever tasted in my entire life... I can die now. Thank you so much Edith... Thank you so damn much!"

Here is my first attempt (I will not be sharing the recipe with anyone other than my family, sorry.):

I started with the crust. The recipe is surprisingly simple and easy. My main concerns were getting it round and wide enough to fit the pan perfectly and making sure it had the perfect balance of strength and mobility so it would stay together and make it into the pan.  It worked: 



The Crust

Then I made the filling.  It took a while for it to thicken, but then all of the sudden it thickened quick and it was a beautiful lemon yellow color and it was sweet and tangy and just right!



The lemony filling

Then I made the meringue.  My main concern with it was that it seal to the pie edge so there is no shrinkage or slipperyness.  Then I tried to do the flippy, swirly design my Mom was always so good at and after much frustration I just made it look messy with a few small swirlies.  Obviously practice and work for perfection is required for this artistic endeavor.



The Meringue



Then I cooked it!  It's not the most beautiful pie in th world, but it looked and smelled like a lemon meringue pie.  And I have to say, pretty great for a first attempt.



My very first homemade lemon meringue pie made all by myself

I was going to just leave it at that and say it was perfect the very first time, but... it wasn't.  I let it sit for a couple hours and then after dinner (steak, rice, and salad - surprise surprise! hee hee) I cut into it.  The filling was way too watery and sort of spilled all over the place in the pan.

BUT!!  The crust was AWESOME.  The meringue was fluffy and sweet and tasted delicious!!  And, although runny, the filling was sweet and tangy and yummy-yummy-yum (just like Moms).  So, I do not have far to go.  After some wonderful tips from Mom I am ready to keep trying.  A couple of practice rounds with adjustments to the filling ingredients and it should be juuuuuust right. Worthy of nods from all over the world.

Hi Neighbor!

 (<--- That's me in the hat) When I was a child, and in the neighborhood I grew up in, everyone knew everyone else.  Part of this was because most everyone in the neighborhood went to the same church  - that helps a great deal when you can regularly see someone else and talk with them when in any other circumstance you may not.  But even those families who didn't attend church were known by everyone else.  In fact two families in particular who were not very religious were a regular part of my childhood and had a huge impact on my perception of society and people in general.  There was a feeling peace and a neighborly trust most of the time.

Most of my childhood was that way.  Kids from all over the neighborhood played outside until dark at night, families went on walks and visited friends. I think back then that's just how it was. 

As I grew up neighbors weren't a big part of my life because I got busy and wasn't home much, but the changes in our area and how society responds to each other were very apparent.  The reasons for neighbors not talking or knowing each other are endless - increased work or a busy involved life somewhere else = no time, increased crime, word of kidnappings and murders on the news, terrorism threats and actual devastating events happening on U.S. soil, etc. etc. etc.. I moved into an apartment for a while and then met Paul and got married and moved away for good.  Mom mentioned how much things had changed and how different the neighborhood was at times when we would talk, and then she left.  On a visit home one year Paul and I took some time to drive through just to see how things were and I was overwhelmed at how small and trashy it felt.  It wasn't the same place at all. 

I always hoped when we moved to Tennessee and into our own place that we would have good neighbors and it would be like it used to be.  While there were lived in two different apartments and one house and, sadly, it just wasn't the same.  After 8 years in TN I had pretty much given up hope on having that kind of relationship with any kind of a neighbor.  But then... Saudi Arabia happened. 

This place we live... this tiny little compound in the middle of the Eastern Province of Saudi Arabia that is protected by multiple walls with wire and trees and armed guards at 3 different points before you get to the neighborhoods - it reminds me of my childhood a little bit.  When we first arrived here about 7 months ago (I can't believe it has already been 7 months) we were greeted by several of our neighors - at least 8 families - who brought us food, and cookies, and toasters and other house supplies, toys, and information for house help and where to get things, etc.  It was so amazing and so overwhelming all at the same time. 

Kids are regularly outside riding their bikes each night and playing together. People are taking walks and stopping by to see if you are doing okay "just because."  I sometimes think of it all as a desert mirage because, at times, it doesn't seem real.  Adjusting to life here has been difficult, frustrating, interesting, and the strangest experience of my life, but things keep getting better as we meet new friends and get more involved.  It gives me hope that there are still people out there in the world who care about their fellow man.  It also reminds me of how important it is to be a part of the community we live in.  How important it is to be a part of something and to share my gifts and talents with those around me.  How important it is to be a good neighbor.

We came here for our own reasons, but I also believe there are some unknown reasons our life path brought us so far off the course we had originally planned.  It's scary and exciting all at the same time.  And it's kind of nice to know we've got some pretty good neighbors around us going through the same thing. 

What I Am Thinking About Right Now.

Paul was looking at the blog tonight right before we went to bed and I noticed my pregnancy ticker with that floating baby in it says I am 30 weeks along.  I only have 10 weeks left... IF I go the full 40 weeks.  It got me thinking, which I do an awful lot of lately, at night... when I am supposed to be sleeping...

Do we have all the paperwork and everything ready for whatever we have to do to have the baby living here in Saudi Arabia?  I still need to call that lady and get a tour of the hospital/OB area so I know where I will be going and what to expect!  MAN I hope I pass that stupid 3 hour glucose tolerance test on Sunday.  I am so worried about that.  I haven't touched the new baby's room or any of the bins full of Madeline's old clothes.  I have no new baby stuff ready. What kind of baby stuff do I need?  I need to sterilize the breast pump.  What if this baby doesn't nurse as beautifully and easily as Mads did?  Should we have taken some refresher birthing classes?  I mean, I can look stuff up on the internet, but what if I forget how to breath?  Madeline's birth was so exciting and easy, so planned, so induced! I was so totally drugged up I didn't care and pushing was not painful at all... but do I want that this time?  Do I want all those drugs?  Will I even have a choice if I go into labor? Will I actually go into labor with this baby? I have never "gone into" labor before.  Will I know?  I need a watch.  I'm starting to have issues with hemarrhoids and constipation now... will my colon turn inside out when I push like that lady's did in that blog post I read the other day?  Where is Madeline going to go when we go into labor?  I don't have an overnight bag ready for her or anything... I don't have an overnight bag ready for myself either!  I need to take water... women here tell me to take water because they are short staffed and sometimes it takes them a while to get to you. What in the hell are we going to name this baby?? When will this damn cough go away so I can stop peeing my pants? I really need to finish Madeline's halloween costume.  Should I buy a turkey? We need a Christmas tree!! I have heartburn... I need a TUMs...

This is just the tip of the iceberg folks.   I guess I should try to sleep. I have to pee.

Mary Gets A Big Girl Bed.

Since we are expecting another child to emerge from my womb in the next little while we decided that once our furniture arrived here in Saudi, we would use the crib for the new baby and we would get Madeline her own big girl bed. Let's be honest, it wasn't a hard thing convincing Madeline not to sleep in the crib. I think she has probably slept in that crib a total of 8 times her entire life.

We went several places here in Khobar but none of the "toddler beds" seemed right for Madeline or for what we wanted to do with her room. Also, all of the beds came with an awfully thin and uncomfortable mattress. Paul thought Madeline should have the comfort we have in our heavenly bed, so he made a trip to the Seely store and got Madeline her own twin mattress and box springs. It comes with legs you can screw into the bottom, so we decided a frame wasn't really necessary. For now Madeline is just sleeping on the mattress and boxsprings. We will add the legs when she gets a little taller.

The mattress was delivered on Sunday and although her room wasn't quite ready, some innate part of me felt compelled to get her in that bed as soon as possible. So, the first night it was here we tried it out.

Now, at the fault of our weakness to cute chubby baby Madeline - her hugs, and kisses, and "mommy" and "daddy" pleading - we have been naughty parents and we have allowed Madeline to sleep with us pretty much since she was born. She is a sweet, cuddly warm little girl and it has been nice having her right there to look at and cuddle with. It hasn't been so nice having her lay across my neck, or lay horizontal in the bed with her feet in my back, or have her wake up in the middle of the night and slam her head into my face. I don't think co-sleeping is a horrible thing, but after almost 2 years of it, it is just time for a change. Of course it was going to be hard for Madeline, and for us.

After brushing our teeth, reading stories, and lots of hugs and kisses we said good night and left the room. The first night wasn't so great. Madeline screamed as loud as her little lungs could belt. She was doing that cry breathing thing. I am sure she felt abandoned and scared, which ripped my heart to shreds, but it had to be done! She also, lately, likes to see if she can get the other parent to do what she wants if one of us is not cooperating. So I was the bad guy and pleads for "daddy" were unending. The screaming and getting up and running down the hall lasted for about 25 minutes until I gave into Paul's suggestion to go lay by her until she fell asleep.

I brought her a drink of water, which she gulped down like she hadn't had a drink for years, and it didn't take long for the little munchkin to drift off to sleep. She only woke up ONE time, which was pretty darn great for a first night!

So last night we did the same thing, but this time we stayed with her until she was asleep. She only woke up one time, again. But this time she wasn't crying. I heard a very faint, very quiet, but disturbed "Ohhh Noooo!" coming from her room. So I went quietly running down the hall and Madeline's legs and butt were on the bed but her head and arms were hanging off the side of the bed. It was so hilarious to me at that moment, being half awake and stunned, that I fell into one of those quiet laughs where you can't stop and the tears just run down your cheeks. I could not get over it! Well, I did eventually, but it was really funny to me.

So I got her comfortable again and I pushed the mattress up against her dresser and put a chair on the other side. We may have to change the direction of the bed and put it up against a wall until she can stop doing Mary Lou Retton routines in her sleep.

Now, if Paul and I can just remember what it was like to sleep in the same bed without a child. It's funny, the past couple of nights we have started together, enjoying the cuddling and the spooning - yes we spoon and it is exquisite - but when it comes right down to getting comfortable, Paul rolls one way and I roll the other. There is still this huge void in the middle of the bed. So, we have some reprogramming to do.

We have already decided that none of our future children will ever sleep in our bed. Ever!

Oh Baby!

I'm not doing a very good job at keeping people posted on the happenings of our lives here in Saudi Arabia. I am aware of that, and I am sorry. I plan to start blogging more and taking more pictures. To be completely honest, things here in Dhahran happen s...l...o....w....l...y.... although, at times, it seems like a week will go by in a matter of minutes.
Each day Madeline and I wake up; we have breakfast and do (sometimes just watch) Tae Bo. We get ready for the day and then come dowstairs to do our daily dance routine - running in circles behind the couch to an upbeat tune such as Billy Idol's Mony Mony or Michael Jackson's They Don't Care About Us. I've started doing her flash cards and her Your Baby Can Read videos with her again. We go outside and play with the hose a little - she loves the water. Sometimes we color, but Madeline has become obsessed with eating crayons lately. Sometimes we do some laundry or sweeping - Madeline enjoys sweeping (or spreading) the dust particles into the dust pan. Some days, we are invited to a play group or to go swimming with new friends - it is always fun to get out of the house. Lunch time comes fast, then naptime, and then all of the sudden Paul is coming home and it's time to make dinner. Paul is really good about encouraging us to go outside (when it gets a little cooler) and to visit our neighbors and new friends. Madeline loves walking and running up and down the street or playing outside in the sand. Our neighbors have a little plastic slide she likes to slide on - but we have to remember to take a wet wipe out to wipe the daily bird droppings off that seem to regularly acquire on it.
Life here is good... but I can't help but feel the walls that surround me. I can't help but feel the restrictions of travel as a woman living in Saudi Arabia. I choose not to take it personally. I choose not to dwell on it. But the thought is there in the back of my mind and it sort of bugs the crap out of me.
I don't know, maybe having a car now will help that. I can do the things I have been wanting to do like go to the gym, or join an art class, or a choir, or just drive to the comissary if I need some milk, ya know? Not have to call for a taxi just to hear that none are available right now and to call back in 20 minutes - which I do and none are available then either.
We are so excited we have a buyer on the house back in Tennessee and we are supposed to close on June 11th - pending all the things the inspector found wrong with the house can be fixed in time. There were a few minor issues that will cost a little money, but at this point we just want to sell the house so we can move on with our lives! We recognize how lucky we are to have an offer so soon and we are SO grateful.
On May 15th, after severals days of nausea and food and smell sensitivities I took two pregnancy tests and they were both positive! So, we are expecting a new baby. At first I thought about not telling people - at least until I saw a doctor, which I still haven't done - but I am definitely pregnant and we are definitely excited so I figure, why not? I have no idea how far along I am yet or whether or not it happened before or after we got here... I am just excited, and I want to write about it on my blog so I had to let the cat out of the bag.
We do not regret this decision... we are looking forward to all the adventures that are to come in our lives because we chose to live here. Life is beautiful!

The Secret Squeeze

Marriage is fun. Especially when you are married to someone who makes your life a trillion-bazillion percent better. Someone who is loving and handsome and funny and who takes care of you. Part of a fun marriage is having little memories and little inside jokes or secrets you can share.

Sometime in the first part of our marriage there was an evening when Paul and me were laying in bed talking and we came up with, what I thought was, our "secret squeeze". The secret squeeze is a non-verbal way of telling someone you love them. It's simple... squeeze the persons hand three times in a row.

So for almost 8 years now, every once in a while, I will squeeze Paul's hand. He usually squeezes my hand right back three or four times. I always assumed the three squeezes meant "I love you" and the four squeezes meant "I love you too."

I was wrong. We were talking about it the other day and I found out that this whole time Paul had no idea I was telling him that I loved him when I squoze his hand or his arm or his leg. So for 8 years I have been thinking we had this cool little inside thing going on... and we didn't. Well, at least on one side.

So, make sure, if you have any inside jokes with your spouse or boyfriend or friend, that it's not just inside your head. Then, in eight years or so, you won't feel like a total dork.

P.S. Now he knows what it means when I squeeze him. *smile*

A Positively Wonderful Idea

A very nice man I know and consider a friend, who I have noticed is always happy and kind to others, keeps a wrinkly, folded, worn piece of paper in his wallet. On this piece of paper is 4 or 5 statements that say something about him and his life. Something he has accomplished; an award he has received; a talent he has; or just something he is thankful for. He pulls out this piece of paper whenever he needs to be reminded of who he is and how special and blessed he is.

Yesterday I was called in to work to do a case and he was there to assist the doctor. The doctor and anesthesiologist in the room were begging him to tell them his recipe for his famous and delicious barbeque. He does make a really good barbeque... a lot of people in this area take BBQing extremely serious. He kept telling them no. So they began to tease him and they tried to guess different ingredients but to no avail... John would not spill his secret. He then asked me to get in his wallet and pull out that piece of paper and read it to everyone in the room. So, I did. One of the statements on the paper said something to the tune of,

"John has received an award for his famous "sweet papa John's barbeque"..." but in more elaborate, detailed words. No WAY was he sharing his secret recipe that is loved by many.

What an awesome idea, I thought. Keep a little piece of paper in your wallet or purse that reminds you of who you are and what makes you happy. To often we dwell on the things we don't have. We worry about challenges we may need to face. We stress constantly over little things that, in the end, really aren't going to warrant such attention. We put ourselves down. Critique our mistakes and constantly tell ourselves we can't do something or we don't have the ability to accomplish a certain task... or maybe, we're not good enough.

The truth is we can do anything we set our minds to. We are good enough. We are all given certain talents and abilities that can benefit the lives of others and especially benefit our own lives. Being positive makes all the difference. Focusing on what we already have and being thankful for it makes all the difference.

Write it down. Write down your talents. your blessings, those things in your life that make you truly happy. Read it every day. Remind yourself who you are.

A Couple Things That Make Me Happy

Madeline. She reminds me that no matter what, we have to keep trying. When we fall, we need to give ourselves a round of applause for trying, and then wipe of the dust and get back up again.

She also dances...

My husband. We've been married for over seven years now and I am still madly in love with him. I get that spark when he touches me and I can't wait to see him when he gets home every day.

He's smart, funny, a great Dad, and he takes care of us.

Other things...
My mom. She always knows what to say. Always. Not just some of the time. And her hugs are like a recharge. She is wise beyond her years. She has many gifts and talents that help a lot of people. I'm proud to be her daughter.

My Family - every single one of them. They're all unique and special in their own way and I miss them all so much.

My Friends - The true ones are always there for you. And I have a lot of good friends who are there for me.

Just one more of Mads. This is her watching herself on video. She is pretty fun to watch so I can totally understand her excitement.